The Conclusion

Some people come home after adopting from overseas with a burden to advocate for the children they left behind. They yell and holler to find families for children in dire circumstances. Some people come home and do tremendous things to help raise funds for families in the process of adopting. They host auctions, giveaways, write heart wrenching blog posts, have yard sales, make things to sell, etc. Their burden is inspiring.  The adoption community continually humbles and amazes me.

I came home...and struggled. With the exception of one little boy from Happy's orphanage that we met and loved, I could not bring myself to advocate to find families for children. There were days after coming home that I thought, "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." Once families committed to children, it was easier for me to help spread the word about fundraising, and we even donated to several adoption funds. But my experiences with Happy left me unable to ask people to do what we had done...to go through what we went through...to adopt. I just couldn't ask people to do it. Many have asked me if we'll adopt again. My head always answers, "No way!  Not on your life!" but I never actually say that. Because truthfully, I still believe we're supposed to have 5 children. I'm just waiting to see how and when #5 will make his/her way to us. So, instead I usually say, "Now is not a good time to ask me that." (smile)

I've mentioned in previous posts that I am part of an online support group with others who have adopted from Eastern Europe. I love my support group.  I puffy heart love my support group.  Many of us adopted special needs children. God used this group mightily to keep me from spiraling into the abyss.  When one of us is down or having a bad day, we encourage and pray and send virtual love and hugs.  When one of us has a breakthrough with our child, we celebrate and congratulate and praise God together.  When several of us have a bad day at the same time, we commiserate together with chocolate and wine.  I love this group.  They are part of my family now, and I would do just about anything for any of them.  When I began to share my struggles, I learned that I am not the only one who is struggling to bond and attach to their new child. I learned that I am not alone in this. I learned that others were struggling even more than I was. And I became burdened. In March God laid it upon my heart to begin praying daily for moms (and dads) who are struggling with their adopted child. I shared this burden with the group and told them to let me know if I could pray for them by name. Within a few months I had over 40 women (and 2 men) on my prayer list. There were only 120 in this particular group at the time. And I had a feeling there were more who were struggling but were afraid to admit it.

Besides my online support group, I have also been blessed with an amazing 'in real life' support system. Our church, though small, has a huge heart for orphan care and adoption. There are six women who have really been there for me as I have stumbled along this post-adoption journey. Three of them have experience with adoption and respite care, and they truly get the hard.  The other three just know me well enough to see through my fake smiles.  How I pray that each of you has at least one friend that you can be real with and share your hard.  I have confided in these ladies, cried on their shoulders (many times), complained to them, and shared some of my darkest moments with them. These women have listened and cried with me. They have loved me when I felt like the most unlovable person in the world. They have held me up with prayer, encouragement, unconditional friendship and many, many meals.  I really don't think I would've made it this far if God had not placed these women in my path.  They were my Aaron and Hur (see Exodus 17:12).  When I grew weary, they stood beside me and held me up.  I hope that each of these women knows how much they mean to me.  I hope they know how God used them, and continues to use them, in my life.

Sadly, I know that what I have is rare.  I know there are many out there who are struggling the way I have and are without a support system.  You are why this blog came to be.  You are where my mind travels to countless times a day.  You are who I pray for.  You are who I'm burdened for.  You are who the Lord has placed on my heart and mind.  If you have found your way to this blog, YOU are my conclusion.  And you are not alone.  Not ever.

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.  Matthew 28:20