The Falling Action

If you haven't read The Climax, that leads into this.

So after all of that, I knew without a doubt that God wanted me to contribute something to the post adoption community.  As I prayed through what exactly I should do, a few ideas came to my mind.  The first was to write an adoption devotional. It's actually something that's been on my heart for almost two years.  I decided to set aside a day to seriously fast and pray and seek God's will about this specific question.  Should I write an adoption devotional?  Was that what He was telling me to do?  That very day, my friend Beth from Hope at Home, posted a link on Facebook.  Her link was to 31 Nuggets of Hope written by my new friend Shelly Roberts.  31 Nuggets of Hope is an adoption devotional!!  I haven't received my copy yet, but I cannot wait to read it!  If you have not "Liked" 31 Nuggets of Hope or Hope at Home on Facebook, please get connected with these two wonderful post adoption resources.  I also discovered that another adoption devotional will be available in December from Empowered to Connect.  I think it will be a perfect stocking stuffer, don't you?  I am SO very excited and thankful that others are realizing and meeting this need!

So, I felt pretty strongly that God had closed the door on writing the devotional.  I wasn't upset or anything.  I was very thankful for His leading and guidance.  I was even more thankful that I got to meet Shelly Roberts, attend her class AND have lunch with her at the Together for Adoption conference.  Shelly is real.  And she gets our post adoption struggles.

But I still knew I was supposed to do something.  At least I thought I knew I was supposed to do something.  I knew I was supposed to pray every day for struggling adoptive parents.  I had already been doing that for months.  But I also knew there were probably many more struggling adoptive parents out there besides the ones in my online support group.  How could I let those parents know they are not alone?  How could I tell them someone was praying for them every day?  Did I even need to?  Should I just pray and let that be that?   I knew the answer was that there was more to be done.  Even now, I don't think this blog is it.  But that's for later.

I was finally beginning to see that my struggles with Happy are a gift. My pastor preached an amazing sermon last month. I've listened to it several times already. I told him that day that he summed up my life the past 13 months in less than an hour. One thing that he said that really resonated with me was how we doubt the goodness of the Father. We don't believe that what He has given us is good. We complain about our struggles instead of seeing them as gifts. We don't like the gift, therefore we don't believe the Father. We buy into Satan's lies and doubt the goodness of the Father. We don't see how He is working the struggles and suffering for good, so we doubt and we complain. I did this all year. I have doubted. I have cried. I have complained. I have cried. I have questioned. I have cried. BUT, I finally began to see how this past year truly is a gift from God. I knew God was showing me how He will use this ridiculous past year for His good. For His glory. To minister to others.

The idea of this blog came to me and I began to pray about it.  I asked God several times if this is what I should do.  One day I was alone in Prince's car for almost an hour. Normally when I'm alone in the car, I blast the radio and sing until I'm hoarse. Well, Prince's radio was not working (just add it to the list). So, instead of singing I began praying. Mostly about where God was leading and what exactly He wanted me to do.  Was He REALLY asking me to share my story?  Publicly?  On a blog?  Where the whole world could read it?  That very day, I came home to the following message from a friend in my support group.  I was absolutely blown away by what she shared.  I hope you are too.

"Sometimes we wonder WHY? WHY did God pull a “bait and switch” on us and leave us reeling as our children struggle with diagnoses of which we were unaware, and behaviors we cannot explain, and issues we cannot decipher let alone parent...

We said we would travel across the ocean. We raised a lot of money, sacrificing our pride and sometimes our credit rating. We left our other children at home. We lost friends, alienated family, and left many in our churches and schools thinking we were “out there” for what we were choosing to take on. Wasn’t that enough for God? Wasn’t it enough that we went THAT FAR out of our comfort zones? Couldn’t the drama (PLEASE) end with Gotcha Day and the rainbows and sunshine commence as we carried our precious babies out of their orphanages for the last time?

For weeks I’ve been meaning to send a message to Amy – the struggles she has had with [Happy] – despite the signs, the unquestionable affirmations from God that THIS child was meant for HER family – and yet here Amy is, a year later, struggling to bond, feeling defeated. I was going to send her a message privately – but today I was convinced I needed to post it here instead.

Raise your hand if Amy has ministered to you in the year since [Happy] has come home...

In Amy’s case, I believe THIS is why she has been asked to struggle so. God gave Amy an incredible burden so that WE could be blessed with Amy’s amazing gift. And just like she said YES to God’s will regarding [Happy], Amy said YES when she was prompted to minister to so many of us in our struggles. 

(I mean, think about it, Amy – if you had gotten the “rainbows and sunshine” story – would you have been able to lift up any of us who struggled with tantrums, control issues, children with irrational fears, etc.? I mean, I know you, I know you would have prayed for us – you are that kind of friend – but I’m talking the LIFTING UP, the UNCEASING PRAYER, the COMPLETE AND TOTAL UNDERSTANDING AND EMPATHY.)

Without Amy’s struggles, without Amy’s cross, so many of us would have faced a much lonelier road." 

Um...is that not confirming?  Did you all hear God's YES as you read that?  Well, I heard His YES.  He answered YES to all of my above questions.  I do not believe it's a coincidence that my friend meant to share this with me for weeks...but didn't until the very day I specifically asked God about this blog.  I wish I could tell you all the other little ways that God has confirmed this blog to me.  He has spoken to me through so many different people, it's just been amazing.  Sharing what I have so far has NOT been easy.  After I posted The Rising Action, I felt waves of panic throughout the day.  I kept thinking, "OHMYGOODNESSWHATHAVEIDONE?!"  I wanted to throw up.  But I received so many encouraging, confirming messages that day.  I was overwhelmed with His peace.

I have one more post to share with you about my story...The Conclusion...and then I'll get to the heart and purpose of this blog.  Sharing my prayers with you.  I cannot wait to see and hear how God works in the lives of your children and families!  I hope you're excited too...it's going to be GOOD!  But don't take my word for it...

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints, according to the will of God.  And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:27 - 28