Several reasons.
This blog has been in process for many, many months. Maybe not with words on the page, but this story was written many months ago and is not yet finished. This blog has been prayed over for a long, long time. While I am filled with joy and excitement that God has asked me to do this, there is also a bit of doubt and worry. I knew the Lord was leading me to share more about my experiences in the pit, but I've been questioning just how much to share. Obviously, I will not share everything. Some details are just for Happy. But I desire to share the REAL. And the real things need to be shared with great sensitivity, delicacy and respect to each of my children.
Another reason for the privacy is that, admittedly, I am afraid of trolls and naysayers. There are people out there who love to poo-poo on adoption. They tell nasty lies like adoption is bad, adoption tears families apart, kids are better off in orphanages and institutions as long they're in their own country and culture. Many, many people don't talk about the hard parts of adoption publicly because the fear of naysayers is out there, and it's very real. Sometimes the naysayers are even good friends or family members. Many times when we are asked a question like, "So how is everything going?" and we answer honestly by telling of hard days, we are met with comments like, "Well, you asked for this. You wanted this. There's no use complaining now." I hope these comments are made with the best of intentions. But it is NOT what we want or need to hear at that moment. Every parent will have hard days now and then. We all get that. However, when the twins were little and teething and I complained about the crying to other moms, I was never told, "Well, you wanted this. You asked for this." So why do some feel it's appropriate to say this when we have a rough day with our adopted child(ren)? Instead, will you just give us a hug? Tell us you love us and that you'll pray for us (then do it!). Ask if you can bring a meal this week or come watch the kids so we can have just 30 minutes to ourselves. Even just an, "I'm so sorry you're having a rough time" goes a long way. We're pretty easy to please. Really.
I will also say that knowing that my family and real life friends may read this is...intimidating. What will they say? What will they think about me when they find out I didn't even love my own daughter and still have to fight to like her? Will they look at me differently? Will they treat me differently? Will they look at her differently? Or treat her differently? Gosh, I hope not. Needless to say, I have had to ask God repeatedly to cover my ears to the enemy's lies. The enemy does not want truth to come out.
Anyway, by opening up and sharing about the hard, I worry that I'm opening myself up to much criticism. But at this point, I can't ignore what I am convinced I am supposed to do. In the end, God and His Word win...
Psalm 56:11 - In God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Psalm 118:6 - The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?
Galatians 1:10 - For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Hebrews 13:6 - So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?
Let's face it, friends. Adoption is hard. There's no way around it. Parenthood in general is hard, yes, but parenting an adopted child is a whole new world. I, for one, am greatly encouraged by hearing from people who have walked the road I'm walking now. Especially those who are further down the path and have survived the pit.
It is my desire to encourage you with the Word, whether you're still in the depths of the pit or are on your way out. I want you to know that I understand the hard, but most importantly, God understands the hard. I want you to know there is great purpose for your time spent in the pit. Joy WILL come. I want you to know that you're not alone. I stand with you in prayer and I know the Lord is with you even if you don't know it.
Acts 20:24 - But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.
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