We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;
perplexed but not driven to despair;
persecuted but not forsaken;
struck down but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:8 - 9
"It wasn't supposed to be this way."
"I am not enough."
"I feel like a failure."
"I'm mad at God."
"I'm not sure I'm cut out for this."
"Have I ruined my family?"
"I didn't think I wouldn't like her."
"I'm a horrible person."
"Why has God forsaken me?"
"Did we make a mistake?"
"What is wrong with me?"
"I was not prepared for this."
"I feel so defeated."
"I am never going to be good enough."
"Why did I do this to my family? We were fine before."
"Is God mad at me? Is He punishing me for something?"
"I'm at the bottom of the pit."
Oh...my dear, precious friends. I have said all of these things more than once since bringing Happy home. As I have prayed that God would deliver you from darkness to light...well, the enemy is working overtime to keep you in the dark pit. I have heard the above sentiments from so very many of you the past few days. My heart aches for you. I'm so sorry. I wish I could make it all better. I wish I could deliver a hug and lots of chocolate to each of you personally. I wish I had the answers you desire. But I don't. Well, I CAN answer one question...God has NOT forsaken you! He hasn't. I know it may feel that way...I remember feeling that way myself. But God has NOT abandoned you. Of this I am sure.
I struggle to find comforting, encouraging words for you. I remember when I was deep in the pit how angry I got when people would quote scripture to me or tell me God is good. I wasn't angry with the people...just angry. I remember crying on my bed with Prince when things were particularly bad. I remember him telling me, "You know God loves you." And I snottily replied, "No, I don't know that. I know He SAYS He loves me. But I'm sure not feelin' the love at the moment. Why would He do this to me if He loves me so much?" Yep. Not my finest moment. But now you know. Anyway, the last thing I wanted to hear some (most) days was that God's plan for me is good. So, I struggle because most of the things I want to say to you are things you probably already know and don't want to hear right now. I could type until my fingers fall off and you would likely read my words, nod your head and say, "I know, I know. Blah, blah, blah." That's what I would do when very loving, well-meaning friends would try to encourage me with scripture. I know it was the BEST thing they could've done for me, but I didn't want to hear it. I would mentally say, "Talk to the hand!," if you know what I mean.
Friends, I am begging you to hold on. Don't give up. FIGHT!!! Fight for your child. Fight for your family. Fight for joy. Fight for love. IT WILL BE WORTH IT! I know it may not seem possible right now. I KNOW you are hurting and confused. I know the hopelessness so many of you feel right now. But, THERE IS HOPE! There is ALWAYS hope in Christ! Jesus IS our hope! (See...are you nodding your head and thinking, "I know, I know..." Please don't tune me out yet.)
One of the promises God made to me on my way out of the pit was, "I am refining you." I recently spent some time reading scripture about refinement...
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. Isaiah 48:10
It's interesting to me that refinement comes from time spent in the furnace of affliction. Affliction. Psalm 34:19 says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." He will deliver you too, my friends.
I'm in a few different post-adoption support groups made up of all sorts of different people and backgrounds. I was wondering recently how many people struggle after adopting. I don't know of any actual statistics. So many people have wonderful, seamless adoptions and it's all sunshine and unicorns from day one. Others don't. From my own numbers, based on the groups I'm in, it seems that about 1/3 of us struggle in ways I've discussed here after bringing our children home. One third.
As I was studying refinement, I came across this...
And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’” Zechariah 13:9
I read it a few times before I realized it says, "this third." Does this strike anyone else as significant? It did me. God purposefully put a third into the fire. To refine them. To test them. His people. He will answer His people when they call upon His name. There is purpose in your struggles, friends. Don't lose trust in God. He is faithful. He is trustworthy. He knows what He's doing. And He IS with you! He has NOT forsaken you! And, dare I say it, His plan for you is good. (Am I talking to the hand yet?)
I will leave you with this...I am praying this for you all.
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:6 - 9
Much love,
No comments:
Post a Comment