Weary?

"I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out."  Proverbs 30:1

I know many of you are weary. Sometimes it's exhausting trying to figure out our new kids. Happy has been home almost 16 months and I'm just now starting to feel like I know her.  I don't know about you, but it seems like I'm always trying to solve a problem. Our minds don't stop. Tantrums, aggressiveness, control issues, grief issues, food issues, poop issues, school issues, sibling issues, attachment issues, not to mention the special needs issues. The list goes on; it never seems to end. And it is tiring! I am still longing for the day that Prince and I don't spend an hour after Happy goes to bed discussing what to do about this or how to help her with that. Will that day ever come? I don't know, but I do know this:

HE will satisfy my weary soul, and EVERY languishing soul HE will replenish.  Jeremiah 31:25

We have each been assigned a 'field', if you will. The harvest may not look too good right now, but Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we DO NOT GIVE UP."

Our longing for rest, refreshment and renewal is a God-given one that He promises to fulfill.

Today, I am praying 2 Thessalonians 3:13 for you: "As for you, {friends}, do not weary in doing good". 

Remember Jeremiah 31:16 - "Thus says the Lord: “Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord."

(If you find yourself needing more encouragement in your weariness, I highly recommend this book.)

Don't give up, friends!

Love,

Do You Know? Have You Heard?

Isaiah 40:28 - 31
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Tired. Weary. Weak.

Or...

Strength. Power. Hope.

Hope in the Lord, friends. He will renew your strength if you let Him. He will be strong in your weakness if you ask Him. Don't feel like this is all on you.  It's not. It's all on HIM!

Praying for each of you today.  Praying that God will renew your strength. That His power will increase in your weakness.  Praying that you will hope in the Lord.

Love,

Pouring Yourself Out

Have you ever asked God an honest, earnest question and didn't receive an answer for a really long time?

A couple years ago I got stuck in Isaiah 58. I read it over and over sometimes multiple times a day. I couldn't figure out verse 10.

"If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted..." 

Pour yourself out for the hungry. What does that mean? What does that look like? Those were my questions. Other translations say things like "give yourself" and "spend yourself". My big question was HOW do I live this out? What does it look like in real life to spend yourself?

Man...I read Isaiah 58 this morning for the first time in probably 18 months, and I had to choke back sobs. I got my answer. I think if anyone is pouring themselves out, spending themselves, it is adoptive/foster mommas and papas.

Read verses 6 - 12.

6 "Is not THIS the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
8 Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
9 THEN you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, `Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
10 if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
THEN shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
11 And the Lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
12 And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.

Do you see it? We have done/are doing verses 6, 7, 9 and 10. We have loosed the bonds of wickedness for our children. We are undoing the straps of their yoke. Let the oppressed go free...our children are oppressed no longer. We have freed them. We are feeding the hungry and we have brought the homeless into our homes and families. We have clothed the naked. And what does it say happens after we've done these things? THEN shall our light break forth like dawn and our healing shall spring up speedily. Many of us need healing. I am praying about that today for each of you (and myself). Righteousness shall go before us and the glory of the Lord will be our rear guard. He is surrounding us, protecting us, guiding us. Then we shall call and cry out and the Lord will answer "Here I am." HE IS WITH US!

Next...if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted...what will happen? THEN your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. He will guide you continually. He will satisfy you in the scorched places and make your bones strong. We will be like watered gardens whose water DOES NOT FAIL. Our ancient ruins SHALL BE REBUILT. We will raise up the foundations of many generations. That gave me goosebumps. We will be called repairers and restorers. Wow. I am just in awe this morning.

As you pour yourself out today for your children and families, know that I am praying for you. Praying that all of these promises will soon be fulfilled for each of you. Praying that you will KNOW that He is with you today. Praying for speedy healing. Praying that your light will soon rise in the darkness.  (Notice that it says IN the darkness...not FROM the darkness.) Praying for strength for each of us as we raise up the foundations of many generations.

Love to you all,

I Will (or rather HE Will)

Thus says God, the Lord,

who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and what comes from it,
who gives breath to the people on it
and spirit to those who walk in it:
"I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness;
I WILL take you by the hand and (I WILL) keep you;
I will give you as a covenant for the people,
a light for the nations,
to open the eyes that are blind,
to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon,
from the prison those who sit in darkness.
I am the Lord; that is my name;
my glory I give to no other,
nor my praise to carved idols.
Behold, the former things have come to pass,
and new things I now declare;
before they spring forth
I tell you of them."
I WILL lead the blind
in a way that they do not know,
in paths that they have not known
I will guide them.
I WILL turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do,
and I DO NOT FORSAKE THEM.
Isaiah 42:5-9, 16

I don't know about you, but verse 7 makes me think about our kids...blind, prisoners, sitting in darkness, dungeons. And He has called US to bring them out and open their eyes. We've been obedient. We've answered Him with an enthusiastic YES! And now...we (some of us) struggle. For many months, I felt like God had abandoned me. I felt alone and angry and the longer it went on, the foggier my thoughts became. But read those verses again...HE took me by the hand and kept me. HE led me when I was blind and didn't know the way down this unfamiliar path. HE will continue to turn the darkness I was in into light. HE will level out the rough places. HE DID NOT FORSAKE ME! And He has not forsaken you either! He can't! HE IS THE LORD! I am so confident that God is doing these things for you too. It makes me weepy to think about.

I am praying these verses today for each of you. Praying especially that the former things will pass and that He will now declare NEW things for each of you. New things are coming, friends.

A Season for Everything

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 8 says:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

I have been thinking on and praying through these verses for you the past few days.  I guess the change from summer to autumn has me thinking about seasons.  I felt like I was in a blur last fall...my favorite season.  I would try so hard to enjoy the colors of the changing leaves, but it was like I couldn't see them.  Between stress, depression, PTSD, and lots of screaming/tantruming/raging from Happy...I couldn't relax.  At night, as I tried to sleep, I would physically have to push my shoulders down...I was so tense...my shoulders were up close to my ears most of the time.  

I don't know what season you're in with your adopted child.  You may be breaking down.  You may be building up.  You may be weeping.  You may be laughing.  You may be mourning.  You may be dancing.  There is so much truth in each of these verses in regards to adoption.  Read through them slowly, then go back and read them slowly again.  If you're in a season of breaking down, weeping, mourning, etc., remember that another season will come.  You WILL laugh again.  You will dance.  I think (hope) my family is in a healing season right now.  Verse 11 says God has made everything beautiful in its time.  Yes.  He is still doing this in our families.  It just takes time.  Sometimes it takes a LONG time.

Joy WILL come, friends.  If you're in the depths of the pit, I know you probably can't imagine feeling joy again.  I was there not too long ago.  Can I just share with you...the joy I have now is deep.  Yes, I still get grumpy and impatient (often), but I am always aware of the presence of joy.  Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him.  I have such a new appreciation for this.  The joy I feel now was WORTH the time I spent in the pit.  I would endure our awful first year again knowing the joy that would come from it.  And I appreciate the joy so much more than I did before my time in the pit.  It's a rich joy, if that makes any sense.

Don't give up, friends.  Joy WILL come.  Your season of laughter and dancing and healing and loving...your season of peace will come.  I am praying that it comes quickly for you.

When. Not If

Dear friends, thank you to those who are sharing with me.  My heart aches knowing that so many of you are struggling to love your child(ren).  Know that you are NOT alone!  Please do not give up.

Today I am praying for you from Isaiah 43. Verses 1 - 3:

But now thus says the Lord,
He who created you,
He who formed you,
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When (not if) you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when (not if) you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

No matter how you feel, if you're like I was a few months ago and it seems like God has abandoned you, HE HASN'T! Verse 4 says that you are precious in His sight, and honored, and He loves you!  God is not caught by surprise by your suffering.  He has called you to this ridiculously hard task, and He has not left you alone to fend for yourself. He is WITH YOU through these rough waters, keeping you afloat. He is WITH YOU through these strong rivers, keeping you from drifting away. He is WITH YOU as you walk through the fire. He is refining each of us. And it is a hard, painful process sometimes. Remember that the flames WILL NOT CONSUME YOU!  Fear not.  The Lord IS with you!

HE HAS THIS!!

Battle

It's so fitting that God has chosen this for me to pray for you today.  This blog went live just over 2 weeks ago.  To say we've had spiritual warfare going on is an understatement.  I knew the enemy was NOT going to like this blog, and I KNEW he was going to attack me/us.  I just didn't how he planned to do it.  Leave it to him to be totally uncreative and use old tactics.

Anyway today I am praying Ephesians 6:10 - 12 for you.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against  he rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Our first 6 months home, it seemed like Happy was the enemy and we were constantly at war. I remember that feeling well.  But let me remind you...you are not at war with your child. Your child is not the enemy. The enemy is the enemy, and you are at war with him. The prince of darkness. The father of lies. I know for some, the battle rages during the adoption process.  The enemy wants nothing more than to stop people from adopting.  If he can discourage families early on and get them to give up, then his job is that much easier.  If that is you right now, I can only say PRESS ON!  FIGHT!

But I know many of us struggle in the after.  After the homecoming celebration and after the meals stop coming and after the honeymoon (if you get one).  I remember when I was deep in the pit...I told a friend that it was like Satan was beating me up and I was just too tired to care. Too weary to fight back. I am praying today that God will strengthen each of you and give you the power to fight back. Fight, friends. It's a dark, fierce, spiritual battle and we're in the thick of it. But it IS a battle worth fighting.  I promise.

Thus says the Lord to you, ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's. 2 Chronicles 20:15

With us is the Lord our God, to help us and to fight our battles. 2 Chronicles 32:8

Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord, mighty in battle! Psalm 24:8

The Conclusion

Some people come home after adopting from overseas with a burden to advocate for the children they left behind. They yell and holler to find families for children in dire circumstances. Some people come home and do tremendous things to help raise funds for families in the process of adopting. They host auctions, giveaways, write heart wrenching blog posts, have yard sales, make things to sell, etc. Their burden is inspiring.  The adoption community continually humbles and amazes me.

I came home...and struggled. With the exception of one little boy from Happy's orphanage that we met and loved, I could not bring myself to advocate to find families for children. There were days after coming home that I thought, "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." Once families committed to children, it was easier for me to help spread the word about fundraising, and we even donated to several adoption funds. But my experiences with Happy left me unable to ask people to do what we had done...to go through what we went through...to adopt. I just couldn't ask people to do it. Many have asked me if we'll adopt again. My head always answers, "No way!  Not on your life!" but I never actually say that. Because truthfully, I still believe we're supposed to have 5 children. I'm just waiting to see how and when #5 will make his/her way to us. So, instead I usually say, "Now is not a good time to ask me that." (smile)

I've mentioned in previous posts that I am part of an online support group with others who have adopted from Eastern Europe. I love my support group.  I puffy heart love my support group.  Many of us adopted special needs children. God used this group mightily to keep me from spiraling into the abyss.  When one of us is down or having a bad day, we encourage and pray and send virtual love and hugs.  When one of us has a breakthrough with our child, we celebrate and congratulate and praise God together.  When several of us have a bad day at the same time, we commiserate together with chocolate and wine.  I love this group.  They are part of my family now, and I would do just about anything for any of them.  When I began to share my struggles, I learned that I am not the only one who is struggling to bond and attach to their new child. I learned that I am not alone in this. I learned that others were struggling even more than I was. And I became burdened. In March God laid it upon my heart to begin praying daily for moms (and dads) who are struggling with their adopted child. I shared this burden with the group and told them to let me know if I could pray for them by name. Within a few months I had over 40 women (and 2 men) on my prayer list. There were only 120 in this particular group at the time. And I had a feeling there were more who were struggling but were afraid to admit it.

Besides my online support group, I have also been blessed with an amazing 'in real life' support system. Our church, though small, has a huge heart for orphan care and adoption. There are six women who have really been there for me as I have stumbled along this post-adoption journey. Three of them have experience with adoption and respite care, and they truly get the hard.  The other three just know me well enough to see through my fake smiles.  How I pray that each of you has at least one friend that you can be real with and share your hard.  I have confided in these ladies, cried on their shoulders (many times), complained to them, and shared some of my darkest moments with them. These women have listened and cried with me. They have loved me when I felt like the most unlovable person in the world. They have held me up with prayer, encouragement, unconditional friendship and many, many meals.  I really don't think I would've made it this far if God had not placed these women in my path.  They were my Aaron and Hur (see Exodus 17:12).  When I grew weary, they stood beside me and held me up.  I hope that each of these women knows how much they mean to me.  I hope they know how God used them, and continues to use them, in my life.

Sadly, I know that what I have is rare.  I know there are many out there who are struggling the way I have and are without a support system.  You are why this blog came to be.  You are where my mind travels to countless times a day.  You are who I pray for.  You are who I'm burdened for.  You are who the Lord has placed on my heart and mind.  If you have found your way to this blog, YOU are my conclusion.  And you are not alone.  Not ever.

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.  Matthew 28:20